It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like...Texas Chainsaw Christmas Massacre and Zombie Apocalypse.

A two-year-old with an axe. What could possibly be scary about that?

Or that.

Or that. (Of course, a pretty teenage daughter is scary with or without weaponry)

As you may have surmised, Daddy and these three went out hunting wild Christmas trees this weekend. The one they bagged fit perfectly into the space we had carved out. Best of all, Mommy and Logan got to stay home in the nice, warm house. (Note to self: Make sure to always have a baby around at Christmas time.)

Several people have made comments about our fence. We've been doing this for so long, I can't remember having a tree without barriers. Wait, yes I can: the year my mother made popcorn-and-gumdrop strings for our tree. I was about seven. Very pretty. The red gumdrops disappeared first. By Christmas, there were just a few yellow ones here and there. Darn mice.

At any rate, if you are going to have a live tree in a house with dogs, there is always the danger that a dog will say: hey, look, a live tree! Have I mentioned my new carpet? And then there are toddlers and shiny objects. Bad combination. We Santa generally doesn't put presents under the tree until Christmas night, when YOU HAD BETTER BE ASLEEP AND NOT FAKING IT AND NO, YOU ALREADY WENT POTTY AND YOU ARE NOT GETTING UP AGAIN.

We eventually even got it decorated.

You know the really scary part about the whole weekend? Daddy did all the lights. Voluntarily. He also did lights outside. All over. Daddy doesn't DO lights - or any other Christmas decorations. You've seen the cartridge in a bare tree, right? Now he's talking about putting lights on his truck!!! That can only mean one thing: quite simply, the end of the world as we know it. (And as you know, M., the end of the world can only mean...ZOMBIES! Happy dreams, sweetheart.)

Fun with Sadism

Teenager approaches with her best "I'm such an angel you can't possibly say no to me" look.

"Mooooooom?"

"Yeeeeess?"

"What are your plans for Friday?"

"Um...work?"

"After work?"

"Why?"

"Welllllllll....Chet asked if I wanted to go to the carnival with him..."

"And you want me to go with you! That's so sweet, I would LOVE to!"

"NO! Nonononono. You can just drop me off at he carnival, and then later Dad can come and pick me..."

"Oh, don't be silly honey, your dad doesn't need to drive all the way back off the hill again. I don't mind at all."

"But...no..."

"In fact, why don't I bring Christopher? That way, we'll be an even number when we go on all the rides together."

Crickets. Wide-eyed stare of horror as she pictures standing in long lines with the boyfriend, while Mom tells a string of embarrassing stories, and little brother alternately glares at the boyfriend and asks things like, "Are you getting married?"

Hee hee. I don't know why people think having a teenager is scary, I'm quite enjoying myself.