Saturday, December 20, 2014

Your Friendly Holiday Advice

Dear Parents (and this is for me, too):

Sitting in the library today, I have seen dozens of children come in, mostly with their parents. Some are regulars, some are new to me. I've seen babies on up to teenagers.

They have all lost their brains. They are all wound up, cranky, rude, and totally not listening.

This mother is speaking to her darlings through clenched teeth in an overly-calm voice that is making ME want to duck and cover, but said darlings are oblivious.

That father is spending an inordinate amount of time perusing talking books waaaaaaaaaaay on the other side of the library.

Another father practically danced a jig when he and his son FINALLY agreed on a movie title - and then displayed his amateur status by suggesting they go look for a book, too, instead of getting out on a high note.

That child's sister came in to tell her brother, who was on the computer, that it was time to go and he should hurry up because, "Mom is parked in the wrong spot." She had to know, when she ran back out, what his "okay just a minute" really meant, but her assignment was to deliver the message, and that's what she did.

In the meantime, I am getting messages from my mother about things my children have done/not done/destroyed throughout the day. It's good to know they are behaving like other normal children for once.

Assuming you (we) don't leave them tied to the chimney with a note for Santa asking him to please give them to a suitable elf for raising, 90% of them will return to normal in a few weeks (which is to say, only missing parts of their brains, rather than the entire thing).

In the meantime, have some eggnog and try to ignore a lot. That's what I am going to do:)

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